Why Women Divorce Men

I’ve been socked in by snow for almost a week after an uncharacteristically severe winter storm arrived in my area. We received almost 2 feet of snow in an area that typically receives either no snow or very little all winter. On top of that the city possesses very little in the way of snow equipment, so while the main thoroughfares were generally passable neighborhoods were not.

It’s interesting in times like these to sit back and see how people handle adversity. In my neighborhood for example, people were helping each other out with stuck vehicles and snow shoveling. There’s also the question of what happens when the lights go out or the water pipes freeze. Some people are more prepared than others. For example, I have a backup generator so that when the electricity goes off I can keep the freezer and refrigerator running. I can also keep the heat on.

My point in all this is that I spent a great deal of time concerned about my children and their mother who live across town. Whereas I am a “be prepared” kind of guy, my ex-wife is the exact opposite. I stayed in close touch by cell phone to make sure that they were warm, fed and safe. My friend John did similarly, at one point he shoveled for six hours to extricate his ex-wife’s van and also repaired her flat tire.

If my ex or the kids had needed anything I would have done whatever it took to make sure that they were cared for. Thinking about this situation over several days set me to thinking about roles and how much today’s culture has changed regarding men and expectations. It seems to me that once upon a time men had a much clearer place in American society. I don’t want to get into a discussion on the right or wrong of gender roles in history for this post. All I’m trying to say is, I think that there used to be more opportunity for your average guy to play the role of protector and provider. And I think in playing that role that we would be appreciated for our ability to care for our family.

In my own personal circumstance, I feel that I have many opportunities to disappoint with gender based shortcomings. Perhaps I don’t get out enough or perhaps I don’t listen well enough,  perhaps I forgot to call or remember the milk, these sorts of things are almost clichés concerning men. I just have to wonder if these perceived shortcomings weren’t to some degree compensated for when I fixed the gutters in the rain, chopped the firewood, fixed the flat or performed some other generally male service (Yes, I’m well aware that many women are also very capable in this arena).  I just feel like we guys don’t get many opportunities to be the White Knight anymore and perhaps balance the scales a bit.

I believe that the playing field has shifted.  Today, I’m being taken to task not for being a “good guy” or someone you can count on in a pinch, no I’m taking hits for how well I meet a woman’s metaphysical expectations.  I’m expected to communicate with women on their terms and meet their expectations in a way that frankly I’m having trouble keeping up with.  Here’s a case in point:

Jake Gyllenhaal plays by Reese’s rules

“For Hollywood “it” couple Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon, domestic bliss is simple, as long as they follow the rules. Reese’s rules, that is.”

I’m going to put a stop to this line of conjecture as I feel like I’m sliding towards a rant.  I felt sorry for this guy to be portrayed in the press (albeit Tabloid) this way.  In my own personal circumstance, it has been made very clear to me that I am considered “worthy” in certain things and “unworthy” in others.  Laws were made (and no, I’m not talking about cussing in front of kids), and I was expected to conform to them.  I feel that I made allowances for behaviors that I didn’t like, and yet did not receive this same consideration in return.

NEXT WEEK: Men and Feeling Needed.